It's a bloody good job that George Pitcher wasn't writing about open heart surgery on his Telegraph blog yesterday - I can just imagine the advice he'd give....probably something like this:
Get any knife from the kitchen drawer and pop it through the chest wall anywhere close the the third rib from the right; don't worry about damaging what's behind because it can be secured with superglue afterwards.
Once open, get some wire twists and close off the arteries...it's easy and I have don't it loads of times before with the help of a part time surgeon who pops in one afternoon every week.
Now cut around the old heart and pull it out with your finger and thumb...pop in the new one and sew up using cat gut.
OK, so it's a load of bullshit but so was his advice on the treatment of Japanese Knotweed in yesterday's column.
Pitcher first said that Japanese Knotweed was 'fun' and then went on to say its roots were 'really shallow and lightly spread and can be torn up easily'.
What an idiot and how irresponsible...it may not be advice that immediately threatens anybody's life but can you imagine Telegraph readers digging up and spreading the roots all over the place this weekend?
I think the Telegraph should leave their garden writing to those with a qualification in horticulture, don't you?
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